During the last ten years, I have met a lot of great people. In 2012, I started my professional life and travelling a lot. Sometimes, I met people in their country, some other times, I met them in a country they were visiting (just like me). On numerous occasions, I really connected with them. But then, they were living too far, and it’s not like I could travel everywhere to meet them all. And I felt like I missed on something, on new friendships. And I felt guilty not to keep in touch and talk to them regularly on social media.
Friendships Are Supposed To Make You Feel Good, Not Guilty
Remember that you care for these friends because they make you feel good, because you lived great moments with them. You shouldn’t have to THINK about contacting them. You shouldn’t feel guilty for not keeping in touch, life happens! To you, to them. Sometimes, you have to be selfish and put yourself first.
If you have to put too much effort to make it work, maybe that’s not a good friendship, or maybe you’re pushing yourself too much when you don’t need to. Friends know you can’t be there all the time.
If you really think about it, if you lost touch with them, is it only your fault? Why is it that you have the responsibility to keep in touch? If this is a relationship that matters, they should keep in touch with you too.
I have this friend who lives in Bulgaria. Once, I was travelling to Sofia to meet Cassandra and I told him that I was by myself for two days before she arrived. I told him that he could drive to meet me in Sofia. He complained that if I was coming to Bulgaria, I should have come to his city. Well, I took a plane to come to your country, maybe you can drive 2 hours? I was angry because it was not nice to make me feel guilty. I understood that maybe he didn’t have the time, but blaming me was not the solution. It made me feel shitty.
Now, I consider that if I have to travel to see my friends, but they won’t make the same effort and complain about it, then, this is not a good relationship and I’m not going to invest myself in it.
Don’t Feel Guilty For Not Keeping In Touch Because You Might Reconnect Later
Sometimes, you lose touch for a while because this is not the right moment, but you reconnect later. That’s life! Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, you’re only human.
I had this friend at university, we had a great time together, I visited her in Marseilles. And then, she went to the USA, she lived her own adventures and we lost touch. I tried sending emails from time to time, but she was busy and didn’t write back. When I moved to Toulouse, I realized that she had moved back to France and was actually living close (2 hours away). Since, we have reconnected and I love seeing her. I’m not the religious type, but I do think that if it’s meant to happen, it will. Sometimes, our paths cross more than once.
How To Not Feel Guilty For Not Keeping In Touch?
Let’s be honest, it’s impossible to keep in touch with everybody you know. What I do is that if I think of someone because of a meme on Facebook, a reel on Instagram, a silly song, a cake that a friend likes, a dinosaur, a duck, a cat, some street art, a quote, sentences in a book, a trip where I wish I was with them… I send them a message or, if I don’t have the time, I write their name somewhere to do it later.
If I thought about them, I want them to know it and tell them why, even if it’s just to make them chuckle. These days, I sometimes write when I read about the pandemic going bad in their country, to check on them and make sure they’re OK.
Sometimes, these messages don’t go further, but who knows, maybe they needed the chuckle or just to know they’re not alone. Sometimes though, it starts long and deep conversations with friends I haven’t spoken to in years. We reconnect and chat about life. We have different perspectives and we can give each other good advice or just listen.
I don’t force myself to check on people all the time. If I don’t think of them and they don’t think of me, that’s OK.
Anyway, this is just an article I wanted to write to tell you not to feel guilty for not keeping in touch. The world is complicated right now, we don’t need to add up to that. But if you do need to talk, tell a friend, don’t stay alone.
I have decided to add a new type of posts, less centered on trips and more on life, I hope you’ll like them. Have a great day! 🙂
To see more photos of Canada, you can visit the gallery Canada.
To see more photos of the United Kingdom, you can visit the gallery United Kingdom.
To see more photos of France, you can visit the gallery France.
