In 2022, Listen More

As we end a second year of pandemic mess and stress, I vow to take better care of myself and to listen more to my needs. I read the other day that you should enjoy drawing because you like drawing and not because you are exceptionally good at it. Not everything is a competition. And that’s true! Because I am a perfectionist, I tend to take even my hobbies very seriously. I like beautiful things, I like perfect things. But life isn’t perfect.

Talk Less And Listen More To Others

I’m getting tired of one-way conversations, where someone talks and the other listens. I want connections. However, I am very chatty and it sometimes feels like I could speak for hours about topics I find fascinating or even about nothing. More and more, I try to shut up, because conversations are more interesting when both parties have a say. My friends have great stories, and as much as I want to tell mine, I also love listening to them when they talk about their life. I learn a lot and it helps me go forward with my own life.

In the last years, we also have experienced difficult situations and feelings we often don’t fully understand. It’s difficult to grasp on the actual effect the pandemic had on us. Covid has exhausted us, it has brought us down more than we know.

I have been in situations where I really didn’t know what to tell my friends to make them feel better, because nothing seemed right and because it truly wasn’t fair. In these cases, I believe that I can help them by just letting them tell their stories and simply vent. No matter what’s going on in your head, I won’t judge because my head is a mess too. I will be here to drink tea and hug you. And maybe, if you talk, you’ll listen to yourself and realize that you are strong and that you have nothing to be ashamed of. That’s what I think of you anyway.

You’re depressed and you don’t know why? Well, look at the past years and at how we adapted our professional and social lives and you’ll understand. By listening to others, you’ll have a deeper connection with them, your conversations will be richer and maybe, they’ll give you the keys to solve your own mess.

Listen To Your Body

First, I would like to thank my body for keeping up with the crazy pace I set for myself. My brain has so many projects… Professional, personal, do art, learn new things, do sport, visit friends, find a new job, write more, read more… During my trips, I would do much more than my body was able to. In Chiang Mai, Thailand, I would wake up before 7am to prepare myself and visit a place during the day and hike. In the evening, I would go to the lantern festival with friends. And then, I would do a load of laundry while taking a shower and writing posts in French and English. I would go to sleep at 1 am or later and then do it all over again on the next day.

During the last years, I worked, studied, did some small jobs, wrote for my blog and learned some new skills watching online videos. All at the same time. And during a global pandemic. I always want to do so many things and my body sometimes seems so slow to do them. However, more and more, I appreciate what I can do. My body is wonderful, it has carried me all other the world, has rarely let me down and tans easily.

Listen More To Yourself

After these last two years, I have reached a state of exhaustion and I feel like I need a rest. Since September, I have been listening to myself more.

Sure, I should write an article, but I feel like watching an episode of the new series. Well, I’m not judging myself and I watch a series. I have registered for a meetup event, but I don’t feel like seeing people and making an effort. Well, I’m not judging myself and I tell myself not to feel guilty for staying at home all weekend. If that’s what I need to feel good, to feel like myself, then that’s what I’ll do. When I’m at the gym, I am proud to have come even though it’s night outside and I have had a long day at work. If I can’t do one exercise because my neck hurts, I won’t force myself to do it, I will listen to my body and not feel guilty.

Social media tend to always tell us to do better even when we would be satisfied: sport is great, but you should do it this way, lose weight and look like this. Knitting is fun, but you should do this because it looks cool. Cooking is nice, but can you bake something as awesome as this? Fuck this, listen more to what you need and think, and less to what people (or bots) say! What do you feel like doing? What makes you feel good? If that’s not trendy, who cares? You’re unique, you have your own mind and that’s something you should be proud of.

Nowadays, knowing what makes you happy, what makes you feel good is essential to your survival. We can’t always follow the trends, try to keep up with what people say is best. And we certainly can’t do sports, eat all the healthy food, but also all the porn food we see on Instagram and at the same time work, defend women’s rights, save the planet and look good. The expectations we have are way too high, and the society is way too judgemental. Choose your battles, listen more to yourself to decide what you need. Notice when you feel happy. Unfortunately, we tend to notice when we feel bad and not when we feel good.

Plot Twist: Sometimes, To Listen To Yourself More, You Have To Listen To Others Less

As Sarah Knight says in her book “The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck“, “You may not realize it, but the number of fucks you personally have to give is a finite and precious commodity“. So count your fucks and do not give them away too easily. Like Sarah, I am an empath and I want to help people who feel bad, but as I do, I absorb their sadness, problems and concerns. I am like a sponge, and I feel all of that. But not all those people care about me. And I end up exhausted with nobody (or nearly) to take care of me.

So I have decided to try (because that’s not an easy thing to do, let’s be honest) to focus more on myself and on people who actually make me feel good. That means I have to identify when someone is taking care of me in exchange of me taking care of them. That also means that I have to, sometimes, let people take care of their own problems and be less concerned about it. Work in progress…

“Not giving a fuck means taking care of yourself first – like affixing your own oxygen mask before helping others.”

Get Some Rest

In January, I’ll be unemployed for the first time in my life. People are saying they are sorry. But I’m not. I’ve been working hard and my last true break was in 2008. Sure I travelled, but I’m not the type to rest on the beach. There are so many beautiful things to do and see. It will be hard, but I’ll rest. I’ll think. And after that, I believe that I will be ready to find my next job and to be fully involved in it. Hopefully, Omicron and Covid will give us a break at some point.

I wish you a beautiful new year and I hope you’ll get some rest to face the next challenges.

If you want to read other thoughts, click here: https://londonfrenchy88.com/thoughts-about-the-world-travel-friends-life/

To watch a cool TED talk “The Art of Asking the Right Question“, by Caroline Reidy, click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSZ8lROfJ24

To see more photos of France, you can visit the gallery France.