Last Sunday, I turned 35. I had no apprehension before turning 30, but as you may know, at the time, I traveled for 3 months to celebrate my birthday and I was about to make important changes in my life. So, it felt as if I was going forward. Somehow, turning 35 feels different.
Turning 35: Before D-Day
From 30 To 35
30 years old felt like I was finally feeling good in my own skin and happy with my choices. I was going to start a new master’s degree and I was moving to another city. I thought it was the beginning of the rest of my life (like the movie). So, what happened in 5 years?
Well, I did get another diploma and managed to change career (yeah, me!) and I fell in love with my new city, Toulouse. But also, Covid happened (not yeah). So, I wasn’t as social as I would have liked to.
I found small jobs, but nothing certain. And I started feeling like it wouldn’t be possible to find the right job in Toulouse (too many qualified people and not enough positions). It broke my heart. Really, because after London, Toulouse is the only city where I felt like I belonged.
So I looked at the whole country to find a job that could fulfill me. And I found one in a small city, 45 minutes away from Lyon. It was a bit scary because I had to, once again, uproot myself. I had some accommodation problems and it took a while to find a place that felt like home.
Six months after moving, I still feel like I just arrived and like I don’t belong. It might take a while.
Why Does Turning 35 Feels Scarier Than Turning 30
Because I am approaching 40 and society would like me to be a mother or, at least, to be in a couple. And I’m none of that. Even though it’s not the right time for me and I don’t feel desperate about it, I can’t help but feel like I’m “not normal” or like I’m missing out on something.
Because I should be an adult by now and yet, I am still wondering what I’m going to do in my life. Turning 35 and still not fully feeling like a grownup. Because I had plans when I turned 30 and now, I mostly have doubts.
Seeing The Positive
- I managed to be recognized as a professional in my new branch and I signed a long-term contract.
- I rent a flat big enough to invite friends.
- I just adopted a cat that’s very friendly and greets me when I come back from work.
- I visited a new country this year: Luxembourg.
- I have great friends who I can count on, even if they are far away.
Turning 35: After D-Day
I wrote the first part of this article before actually turning 35. So, what did it really feel like? Did my fear of being alone and depressed was founded?
Well, to be honest, it didn’t really feel like a birthday. My mum drove 5 hours to spend the weekend with me and that was great! (She’s the coolest.) We celebrated the day by going to the restaurant with my brother and his girlfriend. It felt like family time and it was nice.
I don’t know why, but I always expect this day to feel special. I guess 35 wasn’t that big a deal and that’s ok.
This article is not so much about information, but more about reflecting on what’s expected of you as a woman as you get older. If you’re not bored and want to read more thoughts, you can do that on the page Thoughts.
