Since I have left the nest, I have lived in 4 different countries and visited many more. I never had a lot of stuff and I was always ready to move. However, as the years went by, I found it harder and harder to start all over again every time. After feeling like I belonged everywhere, I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. In the last year or so, I moved twice, once from Toulouse to Saint-Chamond (a small city near Lyon) and then back to Toulouse. I’ve come to realize that, contrary to my initial thought, I can’t live anywhere anymore. But learning how to grow roots is a process.
Finding A Place Where I Belong
London Baby!
It took me a while to find a city where I feel good and where I don’t get bored after a few months. London was my first chosen home, I felt so free there. During the three years I spent in London, I traveled a lot, I met a lot of amazing people, I experienced so many things and I was able to realize many dreams. At some point, I thought that I would spend the rest of my life there.
But it’s an expensive city and I had to decide if I wanted to stay and always think about money, if I wanted to find a job there or if I was moving back to France. Beyond the money issue, there were also a lot of doubts about my professional life. I felt like my time as a freelance translator had come to an end.
Starting From Scratch In Toulouse
In 2019, I moved to Toulouse, in the South of France, to study communication and marketing and start a new career. It was not easy to leave my international community in London and to be in a classroom with people 10 years younger than me. But I did it, and I got my master’s degree and launched myself in the employee life. Changing career isn’t simple: once you’ve got your diploma, you have to prove to companies that you are competent and they rarely take into account your previous career. So you have to accept being a newbie again. Today, I can say that it was totally worth it, but at some point, I had a lot of doubts.
When Covid hit, I was in Toulouse. I was lucky because I was sharing a house with a friend and we had a garden, so we supported each other and the pandemic didn’t feel as bad as it would have if I had been alone. Toulouse felt like a safe home at the time.
Can I Grow Roots Anywhere?
I spent 3 years in Toulouse and I was surprised to still be excited about the city and not feel bored. But finding a job was difficult and I decided that I would see another part of France if a company somewhere else would hire me. That’s how I moved to Saint-Chamond, a small city near Lyon, in 2023. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out. In the countryside, I felt isolated and I started to miss everything about Toulouse.
I was wrong, I couldn’t just live anywhere. Toulouse felt like home, even a year later.
And so, I moved again. Back to Toulouse. I feel like I could stay here for the rest of my life and grow roots. I feel like I belong.
Learning How To Grow Roots
Going Past My Nomad Reflexes
When you constantly move (and work as a freelancer), you don’t buy much material stuff. That means that you don’t often buy clothes (it’s not like you go to the office anyway), you don’t buy furniture, you often share flats so that all is included in your rent (Wi-Fi too)…
Also, it can be difficult to build strong relationships with people who don’t travel, because you feel like you will never see them again after your departure. If you only stay a few months and not even a year, you usually don’t do activities like sports, because registration is for a year.
If you have been doing these things for several years, they become reflexes. Today, I have to authorize myself to buy beautiful yet useless things, like decoration or a new dress. Sure, it’s not imperative to live, but if it makes me feel good and I have the money for it, why not?
It has been a process to register for sport activities because it feels like a commitment. But in the end, what is one year of commitment? If I don’t like it, then I’ll do something else the following year.
One of the big commitments I made in 2023 was adopting a cat. Honestly, it probably was the best decision I made that year.
Thinking “Permanent” Instead Of “Temporary”
Every time I buy a piece of furniture, I think about how easy it’s going to disassemble it. It’s really hard for me to tell myself that I’ll stay in one place for more than one year. The last piece of furniture I bought was not great and made me uncomfortable. At first, I thought “that’s fine, I’ll trash it next time I move”, but then I decided that I wanted to feel good about my flat so I fixed the furniture. That way, I can imagine myself here for a long time.
In Saint-Chamond, I tried thinking that way and even painted the whole bedroom to feel good in it. Despite my efforts, it was a bust and now, it’s even more difficult for me to think “permanent” and to dare to grow roots.
Counting On Other People
Another thing that I find hard after so many years being independent and on my own is trusting people to be there for me. In my personal life, it can be difficult to ask for help and to not feel like a burden. It’s a process, but I’m working on it, and I’m hoping that it’s going to get easier in a city where I have a good professional and personal network.
Feeling Safe Enough To Grow Roots
Last but not least, I think that, in order to grow roots, you need to feel comfortable and safe in your flat or house. Often, I lived in houses where there were a few problems like a leak or bad heating, but I was ok with it because I knew it was temporary.
To me, it is essential to find an accommodation where you feel safe. I don’t just mean good security in the building (even though that’s part of it), I also mean a place where you don’t constantly worry about a pipe bursting or the Internet not working, or even constant noise.
To read more thoughts, you can visit the page Thoughts.
