Does Being Alone Mean You’re Strong?

I spend quite a lot of time by myself. I’m a mix between introvert and extrovert: I need some me-time to recharge, but after a while, I feel lonely and I need to share my experiences. So I also need time to socialize with other people to recharge. But after too much time with people, I once again need time alone. Recently, I told a friend that I wanted to meet someone to share my life and do activities with me. She told me that I needed to be able to enjoy life by myself before I could be with someone. Although this might be true, there was a bit of miscommunication here. That conversation inspired me to write that article.

Listen Carefully Before Judging

When I mentioned my need to meet someone and my friend reacted by saying that it was wrong and that I shouldn’t look for someone to fulfill me, that I should be able to be alone with myself and be happy, I got angry inside. And sad. I didn’t say anything to her because she’s a very good friend and because she probably did not mean it like I received it.

But I felt like she was saying that, in order to be a strong woman, I had to spend the rest of my life single.

What I was saying was that I felt lonely and that I needed a boyfriend. Someone who is there for me and wants to share his time with me. Friends are great and I am not saying that I don’t value friendship as much as love relationships, but it’s a different kind of relationship. You don’t do or feel the same things.

To be clear, it’s not that I don’t know how to be by myself. It’s just that I want to share the moments sometimes. These last few years, it’s been hard meeting new people.

The Difference Between Alone and Lonely

Nowadays, we (women) are told to be independent and to do solo trips (so many cheesy quotes about that on traveling websites, ugh), to live on our own… And I’m all for that.

But.

You only have to do that if you want it. We shouldn’t judge women who don’t like to be alone and who prefer to spend all their time with their husband, boyfriend, partner… If that’s what makes them happy, then great!

I feel like, in order to be a modern woman, we have to stand on our own. I have done that and I’m proud of it. Because I know I can do it. But that doesn’t mean I have to.

We can be alone and not feel lonely. (Just like we can be in the middle of the crowd and feel lonely.) I like spending time in my own company. And I think that’s what my friend didn’t understand. I simply expressed the need to have more than just my time alone.

Stop Opposing Men And Women

Some books say that you absolutely need your gang of girlfriends but not always a boyfriend/partner. I guess it depends on people. It’s not true for everybody and we should stop judging women who spend more time with their boyfriend. Maybe we should have less rules about being a woman and more freedom to be who we are. Not everybody is the same.

Currently, I feel like we have this trend of opposing men and women. Women are tired of being catcalled, harassed and humiliated, and they fight back. I’m definitely a feminist and I’m glad that these issues are now visible and that we talk about it. But I don’t like the trend that consists in considering men as enemies. Abusers are enemies, some men are allies.

Also, even if your relationships with your friends and with your partner are different, I do believe your boyfriend can also be your friend (or even your best friend). Just like you don’t need to succeed on your own, I think you can be strong even if you’re not single.

Looking for love doesn’t mean you’re less of a girlboss.

To read more thoughts, you can visit the page Thoughts.

(Photo on cover: street art in Montauban, France)