I started this article about a year ago, but ended up focusing on just one topic: being alone. Recently, as I was thinking of writing about short-term friendships, I decided to use some of these paragraphs to do an article on the broader topic of friendship. It’s also interesting to rewrite this text as 2023 felt very lonely and taught me a few lessons.
How Our Views On Female Friendships Have Evolved
There are new rules to be a modern woman. In ancient times (but also not so long ago), women used to live with their family and then move with their husband (and then children). Last year, I read “Text Me When You Get Home“, and it made me think about the fact that our grandmothers and sometimes mothers didn’t have that many friends as mothers. It’s like they gave up their personal life to become mothers and lead the household. But that doesn’t mean they were alone, they had the children, their husband and their extended family. Did they feel lonely? Some of them, yes. Some others, no, they were too busy.
About her mother, Kayleen Schaefer writes “When she was a young wife and mother, she thought of friendships as an indulgence. They were nice, but not essential. What she was responsible for was taking care of her family, so she restrained herself from being interested in anything that would get in the way of that“.
Today, however, stories and models of female friendships are numerous and everywhere. Women are supposed to have a network of close friends.
Different Types Of Friendships
There’s Good Friend And Then There’s Close Friend
I have a lot of friends. Everywhere in the world. Most of them not where I live.
But you don’t have to be geographically close to someone to be emotionally close to them. If you know what I mean. There are people you can share every thought with and you know they won’t judge you for it, but will tell you when you got it wrong.
Still, it helps if you can meet them for coffee (or cocktails) because human contact is necessary. After spending a year in the countryside and not being able to meet a friend without traveling for an hour, I value the possibility of meeting in real life.
Don’t Underestimate Short-Term Friendships!
What do I mean by “short-term friendships”? I mean instant connections with people you just met and you probably will never see again in your life.
These interactions can have a huge impact on you. It’s not because the encounter is short and will not lead to anything serious that it’s not worth experiencing it.
It’s not always easy to be open to discuss inner thoughts with a stranger. On the other hand, someone you don’t know and maybe with a different culture can give you proper insights without being too cautious with your feelings, simply because they don’t know you intimately.
I’m no longer offended when someone great doesn’t want to exchange contact details after having a meaningful conversation. I’m grateful for the moment and I understand that social media doesn’t offer the same proximity and that maybe it’s difficult to stay in touch with all the people you already know.
Last year, I took the bus from Milan to Lyon and met another French girl going to Chambéry. We couldn’t stop chatting for the whole trip and I had the best time! But she didn’t ask for my contact and I told myself that it was OK. A few days later though, she found me on LinkedIn and asked me to stay in touch. I was really happy. The idea is to enjoy every moment without forcing anything.
It’s Hard To Meet People As An Adult
In 2022, as I was struggling with meeting new people, I read books about friendship (and also one about love). And no surprise: it seems that I’m not the only one!
I have also talked with friends and family about this. When you are in school, you have good friends. But then, you grow up, you change, and many people move. Within your country or even further and it’s hard to keep in touch. Colleagues can become good friends, but most of the time, I found that relationships with colleagues (no matter how great they are) are confined to the workplace. Once you’re out, everyone has their own life.
But I’m not losing hope, I’ve met new friends using applications, attending events and through professional networks. So it’s not impossible. We are social animals and we are stronger with a support network.
I’m being very positive about 2024 and about people. I’m not saying that everybody is nice, but I do believe there are a lot of funny, interesting and caring people in the world and I can’t wait to meet some of them!
To read more thoughts, you can visit the page Thoughts.
